WOW, I said as I pulled the matte black trigger I heard the bullet impact on her head it sounded like squishing bananas. I heard running down the hallway like a prison escape her dad burst through the door...
"What have you done to my daughter he cried!!" I didn't mean to shoot her she just caught me by surprise. I aimed the gun towards her dad saying get on the ground he went on the ground trying to crawl away while I was hiding the dead body I shot his leg so he can't stand up. I deiced to run away. as I was starting to run The girl's dad was in the doorway, In warned him to get out of the way other I will make him have a slow painful death.
Once I was done with his body I made a run for it I heard cop cars around me I hid in a playground tunnel I could see the light through the holes. I wasn't sure if I should bury the gun or try to shot them. They were coming towards the haunted-looking playground I jumped into the bushes I heard a dog bark, It sounds like it was coming towards me I jumped the fence as fast as I could. I heard banging on the other side of the fence I ran until I ran into a police officer I shot him but his dog was chasing me he got me to the ground and bite me I pushed the dog off me got on a top of a house.
I was on top of the house when I saw around 12 cop cars. They all saw me and ran into the front door of the house. I smashed the window into the roof as silently as I could I found a closet and went in there I knew there were people in this house I heard a gunshot. Suddenly I thought to my self they might have mistaken them for me. I shouted out for help so it looks like he was trying to shot me. I hid the gun...
As they opened the closet I was scared of my life. Well, I acted like I was and it worked. They said"Your safe now no need to worry. I stumbled out of the closet acting sore. One of the officers asked who I was. I Studded to him"mmy namme iss Dyllan He ttried to shott mee. He offered me a cookie I took it
Friday, 10 May 2019
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Great story and hiding tricks from the police. I like when the police officer offered you a cookie. But you need a bit more commers
ReplyDeleteFantastic use of descriptive language, Dylan! I like how you've organised your ideas into paragraphs and how your punctuation is mostly correct.
ReplyDeleteYour next step is to beware of your run-on sentences.
For example, your sentences "Once I was done with his body I made a run for it I heard cop cars around me I hid in a playground tunnel I could see the light through the holes."
after the second two "I"s there should either be a conjunction (and, because, etc.) or a full stop to start a new sentence. There is a similar mistake in your opening line.